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Still trying to wrap my mind around something I read on Twitch yesterday about the film “Paranormal Activity”, the domestic remake rights of which were purchased by Dreamworks at Slamdance. Well, apparently the original, still in the festival circuit, is no longer available for viewing …

I mean, well, it makes sense, Dreamworks legally has every right in the world to do this, but is it right for them to do this? First off, it’s gotta be the fastest that something has ever been rolled over into a remake, I mean, at least give the original a chance at exposure. Secondly, although a definite financial benefit to the producers and film makers (I hope at least), it’s gotta be a bit of a blow, creatively.

“Hi, we wanna remake your film.”

“Wow, great.”

“Okay. You can’t show yours anymore. It doesn’t exist.”

“Huh? Wha - ?”

“We own it. We’re gonna fix it.”

“Uhhhh, thanks?”

Looking objectively at the situation, I just can’t see how having an original out there can be of any detriment to the remake, unless, of course, you’re planning on doing a shot-for-shot remake and don’t want people watching the trailer, thinking, “Oh, I’ve seen this before.”

But let’s leave “Paranormal Activity” for a second and look at the larger picture. I was pretty sure, someone out there had to have a web page of remakes that are either in production or are being planned, but I couldn’t find anything right away. However, a quick Google search for “remakes 2008′ pulls up the following results:

“One Missed Call remake (2008)”

“A Tale of Two Sisters remake (2008)”

“Fame the Movie remake 2008″

“Michael Bay’s remake of The Birds aiming for Summer 2008 release”

“Shutter remake (2008)”

“The Eye (2008) remake”

“The Day the Earth Stood Still being remade for 2008″

I stopped at that last one (the original being one of my favorite films) but you get the picture. Now, I’m not going to go on and on about there not being any originality left in Hollywood, because it’s practically common knowledge now. Besides, there are attempts at originality (sort of) being made with each month’s new batch of releases. “Jumper” (based on the book by Steven Gould) at least looks fresh, but it seems like it’s going to get harder and harder for independent films to swim in a vast sea of studio sharks out looking for some new property to devour and call their own.

Here’s an angle that would make things much cleaner: all independents shoot their films on MiniDV and just stick in placeholders for special effects and use stock sound effects and library music, or music from existing films — these films will not be intended for public consumption, but will be sent, via agents to studios, just like scripts used to be. Then, if an exec sees something they’d like to “remake”, there’s a greater cash advantage to the independent film maker, because no great outlay of cash has gone toward film stock, crew, and a proper post-production.

Maybe I’ve accidentally stumbled onto the whole problem here; I know that there are original scripts out there, maybe the fact that they contain words that need to be read in sequential order is the stumbling block. That certainly explains remakes, and hey, it even explains why there are so many adaptations of video games!

We’ll just see. Last time I was in L.A., I made a point, at any restaurant, coffee shop or movie line-up I was in, to talk loudly about the great idea I had, which was to make a film version of Pac-Man. Here’s how it would open:

EXT. CITY -DAY
Helicopter shot - we are high above the city grid as a streak of yellow shoots around a corner and slows, plowing forward. We move in …

… a sleek yellow car moves through the square city blocks, chased by multiple police cars, their red and blue warning lights flashing, sirens wailing.

INT. YELLOW CAR -DAY
PACMAN, grizzled, streetwise and hip, grips the steering wheel and slams his foot down on the gas pedal, screeching miles ahead of the pursuing cops …

You see, PacMan is a streetwise car thief who drives a bright yellow car. He’s constantly being chased by the cops (or “ghosts” as he calls them) as he tries to reach his goal, that cherry red porsche that he’s dreamed about all his life.

Let’s just see if that gets made. Then again, maybe it’s a little too original.

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