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All I want to do is sell my in-excellent-condition, very cherished, much treasured black MacBook. You’d think that wouldn’t be too much to ask, but it seems to be everything in the world …

I’ve always heard good things about Craigslist, so I thought I’d check it out. I looked up current prices for new and refurbished units, knocked off a few dollars and came out with a reasonable price, posted that and got some immediate responses. Well, responses were all they were. Simple browsers, asking a lot of questions, then disappearing, or wanting the price to go waaaaay down. It’s less than a year old for God’s sake and I paid close to $2000 for it originally.

So, today I had enough of looking at the listing and fielding responses and knocked another $100 off the price. Now I’m sitting at $1300, I bargain, I’d consider, especially since there are similar and older models already posted on Craigslist for much more. Starting to feel like a sucker, starting to feel like I should give up …

… then, the last straw: I get an e-mail from some guy calling himself “it manager”, in all-caps I might add:

I LET YOU KNOW BRAND NEW 2.16 GHZ BLACK MACBOOK 1299$ FROM STORES I HAVE 1000$ CASH FOR THAT MACBOOK? IF U INTERESTED I CAN BUY TODAY

Well, first off, it took me three read-throughs to figure out what he was asking or talking about. Maybe I’m asking too much? I wonder. I look online and find some MacBooks in that area (for US$), but nowhere reputable. Plus, we’re talking about something I’ve cared for since the day I got it. It looks like it just came out of the box. Even on eBay $1400 seems to be the lowest “Buy it now” price. Well, I guess I can go down another $100, even if it means dealing with a guy who types in all-caps, so I e-mail back:

It has 2GB of RAM, buy the way. What about $1200?

Moments later, I get another e-mail from IT Manager, now curiously typing in all lower-case.

i don’t mind have 2 gig ram 1 gig ram is $49 sorry $1000 my last price for extra machine i have MacBook Pro i need the other just for downloaded with good wifi let me know?

Enough of this guy. I have XBox games waiting for me.

No, I will not sell for $1000. You can’t even get a MacBook that low on eBay.

I fire up the “Burnout: Paradise” demo for some satisfying crashes. My e-mail dings again.

yes i can get for sure ,

I leave it and rev the engine on my demo car. Another e-mail dings in. IT Manager again:

i told u dude brand new in box with 1 year Apple Care 1299$ we don’t pay tax

I notice now that even though IT Manager types in all lower-case as a rule now, he inserts correct capitalization on things like Apple Care and MacBook Pro. Good for IT Manager though, I’m glad he can get a MacBook this low, but begin smelling a rat. If he has access to cheap merchandise, why is he trolling Craigslist? I need to find out, so I e-mail back:

Great, so why are you bothering me?

As a reply, I get a healthy mix of half upper-case and half lower-case:

YOUR MACHINE HAVE OLDER VIDEO CARD,OLDER AIRPORT DUDE i am not bothering u that machine won’t go for more than 1000$ hope you find a stupid buyer i,m using Mac since 1987 i,m sure u just start using lol. good luck with your sale mr.

Yikes. I wonder what he means by saying that I’ve just started using “lol”, then I realize that’s two separate sentences. He’s saying I’ve just started using a Mac? I’m selling a Mac, that doesn’t even make sense! I really want to reply. He’s gotten me good and pissed off. But I realize that’s what he wants. I consider offering him a free copy of Leopard that he can install on one of his many Macs, because it has grammar-checking built-in, but I realize that he’s the world’s biggest MacGuy, so he probably already has it (I wonder why it’s not working).

I delete the thread and get on with my life.

Two glorious smash-ups later, I get yet another e-mail from IT Manager. This one is a link to an eBay item for a very old, very used MacBook for just over $1000 US. Yeah, I’m gonna let some guy who’s used his old MacBook to death somewhere in the US dictate how much I ask for my precious machine. I’ve had enough of this IT Manager guy, he’s clearly just trying to bully me into that low price. Chances are he would come up with some reason not to actually pay me cash when the time came to make the sale. I really have better things to do.

I reply:

Keep e-mailing me please, I’ve categorized you as SPAM, asshole.

I click “Junk” on his item, but for some reason, that doesn’t stop his extremely literate reply coming through:

GO FUCK YOUR SELF WITH THAT ANTIGUE MAC MOTHER FUCKER FAGGOT

Well, for starters, everyone knows motherfucker is one word. My Junk Mail folder is currently, silently filling …

Anyway, I’ve had it. I don’t need this shit. I just wanna get some money for my computer rather than have it sitting around collecting dust in a closet, but I’m done with Craigslist. So, if you’re in the Toronto (Canada) area and would like to buy a 2 GHz black MacBook in immaculate condition for the low, low price of $1200, you can contact me at zombiespirit@gmail.com.

UPDATE: Thank you blog readers, mere minutes after posting this item I had a legit buyer and my MacBook now has a new home. Take that “IT Manager”.

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